fitfool

This weekend on NPR's This American Life, I heard about a kindergarten teacher, Vivian Gussin Paley, who made a rule that if someone asked if they could play too, you weren't allowed to say no. The idea was to teach these kids from an early age to be a little less cruel to each other.

I would have loved a world where all kids played together. But for some reason, there were always some kids left to languish as the unpopular kids. No one wanted them to join their kickball game at recess. They didn't get invited to sleepovers. Even at my bus stop, they made a point of standing apart from one kid who had been deemed uncool. I think I fell somewhere in the middle of this social ladder. Popular enough to have my own friends but not at the social apex of varsity athletes and cheerleaders.

It sounds like a great idea but I'm bothered by the removal of choice. Isn't part of the socialization of the public school experience so that kids can figure out which behaviors help them make and lose friends? Or does mandating an Everybody Plays environment give the kids more opportunities to get to know one another and learn how to get along? I stood with the ostracized kids at the bus stop but I would've bristled if someone had told me I HAD to play with him.

Want to hear it? Listen to The Cruelty of Children. (Click on the little RealAudio icon to hear it online. It's in act 3 and is about 12 minutes long.)

Also, she wrote a book about it: You Can't Say You Can't Play

(cross-posted to