alas I am but a beginner as far as understanding ingredients. Your question might get more useful suggestions if you ask in the food_porn community (or maybe try cooking). The only thing I can think of off the top of my head is when using jalapenos, cut them in half and then remove the seeds and the inner walls since those parts are spicier. But even that might still be too spicy for you. Is it a matter of concentration? Could you dilute the chili by adding lots of other ingredients too so that the overall taste is very mild?